At 6:15am I hear the first pitter-patter of footsteps in my room. One by one the children crawl into bed with me. Levi strokes my back, Tori breathes heavily in my ear and wraps her little arm around my neck whilst Nyah tries ever so hard not to talk. I sigh (wishing I could just get another half an hour sleep), and think 'one day I'm going to miss all this'.
The night prior brought with it the usual: Amon waking for a feed twice (because he doesn't fill up on solids at meal times because he prefers the boobi juice), Tori a couple of times because she wakes to find her father missing from her room (how dare he not stay seated on the sofa in her room as he was when she fell asleep) and Nyah... with one of her 'episodes' as we like to call them.
These episodes are not something I have shared with too many people as I have wanted to be sensitive to Nyah's feelings. It's quite personal for her but with her permission I am making record.
Shortly after Nyah's fourth birthday she started waking in the night with what appeared to be chronic pains around her 'girly parts'. She couldn't really describe the pain. She kept asking for some kind of cream to sooth the pain. Being the mother, it was my job to inspect. As far as I could tell there were no signs of irritability - no redness or alike. That night - the first time it happened - it seemed the cream helped and after half hour of trauma, she found comfort and went back to sleep. This continued for four nights straight.
When your child is in THAT kind of pain (I have video of these episodes however I only used it to show doctors as a form of evidence worthy of investigation), it is a nightmare for a mother. You just want to take it away or take it upon yourself because you can deal with it better.
Nyah seemed free of this irritation for a couple of weeks. I figured whatever was bothering her had resolved. To my horror it started happening again. A pattern was emerging. I noticed it was only ever in the night between the hours of 10:30pm and 1:00am. These 'episodes' were lasting only for about half an hour at the maximum. As the weeks and months rolled on I began to notice that the pains came on much like my own labour contractions. They started small, gradually built and then subsided. She would be pain free for about 5 minutes or so and then another 'contraction'. I Googled it. You can Google everything! Turns out that there are forums on these things. Parents all over have experienced this night time trauma with their girls ranged between the ages of 4 and 11. Mothers had taken their girls to all the different specialists under the sun and found no answers. Some suggested self stimulation was the cause, not that the child is doing that in a sexual way, more the fact they are discovering their body. Others suggested abuse to be the cause, which chilled me to the bone.
What arose from my Googling gave way to some important and special conversations with my daughter. Conversations about her body, how it is a gift from her Heavenly Father, that she is blessed to have a body that is in good working order - she can walk, run, play, see, hear, smell and taste - and the importance of taking care of it. We discussed the ways we can take care of our body. We talked about food, nutrition, occasional treats, what we call our church's Word of Wisdom. We discussed exercise and rest and also hygiene. We have always tried to teach our children the importance of dressing appropriately for different occasions. Even when small we try not to expose our children in public. They do not run around naked at the swimming pool or at the beach. Even in our own home there are things that we consider appropriate and other things that we feel are not (ie playing in the pool in the privacy of the courtyard butt naked as opposed to answering the front door to the post man - regardless of age). We try to teach them that their bodies are nothing to be ashamed of, but to be respected - all this without them becoming fearful of people who choose to abuse a child's innocence.
Nyah had to know that if she was ever in an uncomfortable situation she could always talk to me about it. She would never be in trouble for someone else's actions. My feeling is, these are not once off conversations. It's a continuous round of reinforcing to my children the importance of taking care of, respecting and even honouring the bodies they have been blessed with. It's far more than a physical thing.
I asked Nyah flat out some 'big' questions. These were difficult because I was fearful of what would happen next if I was to hear the worst. They had to be asked though. It's part of my responsibility as her mother.
Finally this week we received answers. There is not a quick fix for Nyah. These issues will eventually cease but are likely to continue from time to time over the next few years. Doctors have put it down to growing pains. It sounds simple and almost like we are being brushed off, however I have done enough searching, and prayer to be content with this answer. She has been examined. It's nothing topical. It's only occurring in the night when she is relaxed. Children in these growing years experience differing kinds of growing pains. For me it was my knees and feet. I clearly remember this now.
In the meantime, we continue to be woken at night for half hour bursts of trauma. Nyah clings to her father for comfort while he rubs her back (as he did mine) during her 'contractions' (which doctors feel are coming from the bowel (a spasm) as opposed to the vagina). Then when her episode has passed, Jim will lovingly carry his little princess back to her bed, tuck her in, and brush her forehead with a kiss.
A dear woman taught me something recently. This woman recently lost her husband who was way too young to pass. She was left with four daughters under the age of 13 to take care of. She taught me that even in grief there is beauty. Even in trial there is peace. I am by no means comparing these sleep deprived nights to the trails of this lady, but I give thanks for her counsel. I can see what she means. Were it not for these things that go bump in the night, perhaps I would not have seen the necessity to educate my children in this manner. These moments in the night when all is quiet, after the pain has subsided, Jim and I are able to work on building a relationship of trust with Nyah. We hope that she can feel our love and concern for her. These episodes of pain are traumatic for Nyah and myself (as her mother), but there is also beauty and even peace.
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